I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
