He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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