theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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