My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
