last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
