She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
