cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
