btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
