Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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