he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
try to milk me bitch
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