even my farts smell like vagina
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize