i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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