Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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