the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I could fuck to npr.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
