I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize