apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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