For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
