the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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