How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize