But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
