some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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