Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize