Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
