It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
