dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
