im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
