NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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