That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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