i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
