I wish you could order shots online.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
