I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
should my penis look like a turkey
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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