I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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