I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize