Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
