I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
