where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
