I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
