Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize