you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
