white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Cover your peen. We're going out.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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