I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
they need to just BURY HIM!
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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