I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
