i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
