dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
