Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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