We won't sleep together?
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
