so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
