Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
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