And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
