We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
