There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
