the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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