Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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