life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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