Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
