I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
