I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
