you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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