I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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