Dude my mom stole all your condoms
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
