I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
