super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
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