3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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