Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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