It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
