No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
