I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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