dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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