Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I will die if light touches me.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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