What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
