Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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