I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
