i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
