i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
