3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
