hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Ambien. No doubt about it.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
