JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
