I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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