Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
