just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I AM VODKA MAN
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
