The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Randomize
