last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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