WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
