You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
