Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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