I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
COCAINE IS GR8
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
