Don't make out with my wife yet
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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