The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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