She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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