If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
