thus making me awesome and them whores
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I got inside last night via doggy door
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
