if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
