you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Randomize
