i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
