Moan for me like Helen Keller
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
