I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
