They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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