I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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