We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
