I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
