im drinking this country out of the recession.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
