Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
