Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
