My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize