You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
