i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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