I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
