no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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