Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
